This plans sure to work
by roguewanderer
Summary: The Alcolytes (mainly just Remy and John) point of view as Magnetos plans get more crazy in his obsession to defeat the X-men! - funny situations, chicken feathers and the Sims so far! R
1. I have an idea! and so it starts!

Hello!! Sorry about _another_ story!! Im useless I know but I was sat here an I got the idea! So I thought meh why not! Not like I could've updated anyway! So here you go a completely pointless story that I found funny to write!

Disclaimer; What do you mean people own them? Theyre real people! People cant own people?! What do you mean theyre not real!! *falls to knees* all my plans to kidnap Remy for myself are ruined!! *cries hysterically* 

~~~***~~~

"I have an idea!!"

None of the Alcolytes moved or reacted as Magneto floated into the room announcing about his plan. Come on its not the first time he's said it. Looking at his acolytes annoyingly he tried again.

"I _said _I have an idea!!"

Still no one moved and they all carried on watching the television. Sighing annoyed Magneto used his powers to unplug the TV causing everyone to groan, actually to cause Remy and John to groan since Piotr doesn't seem to do much.

"Good! Now your all listening I've got a plan to defeat the X-men once and for all!!"

"But we tried that last week, and the week before that! I don't wanna fail again" whined John as he stared intently at his lighter as he flipped it open and closed.

"Come to the war room and I'll tell you the idea!" Magneto said floating away to the war room pleased with the fact that his idea would work. 

*6hrs later*

A frustrated and embarrassed team of Alcolytes, minus Magneto, walked through the entrance of the their base covered from head to toe in chicken feathers mumbling about Magneto and his stupid plans. Magneto followed them shortly with a grin on his face.

"Did you see them?! We almost had them that time I swear! Don't worry we'll get them next time because I am The Almighty Magneto!!"

Ignoring him and without a word to each other the rest of the team all separated and went to their bathrooms to get washed. 

*the next day*

The three teen Alcolytes were once again sat watching the TV intently all wondering what stupid scheme Magneto would make them do next to beat the X-men. Suddenly the door to the base was slammed open and a familiar voice was heard.

"What the hell do yo' think your doin!! Let me go!! Ah swear ah'll suck yo' dry when ah get free!!" 

Sitting up they all watched as a smiling Magneto floated into the room with a floating Rogue wrapped in a steel pipe next to him.

"I have an idea!! A new one! A better one!"

"Let me go!!!"

"Quiet I'm not done explaining! Now! I've noticed that their team is bigger then ours so ill just get Mesmero to change her memories and then she'll be on our team and then ill keep doing this until our teams bigger then their and then we have to win!!"

"Erm..boss"

"Pardon?"

"Err desole Remy meant Almighty Magneto..." 

A snicker could be heard from Rogue.

"...deres a slight problem wit' dis plan"

"No there isn't its perfect! Nothing can go wrong! See cause unlike our last plan I've thought it all through! There's no way they can use this against us!"

"Well erm yo' see yo' got rid of Mesmero, yo' said it was cause he kept makin' yo' tink yo' were really wearin' red n purple when really yo' wear black. Remember?"

Just as he was about to respond Magneto stopped and a look of defeat came over his face.

"Oh yeah..oh well next plan!"

And dropping Rogue to the floor because he forgot all about her he began to float out of the room to plan his next idea.

"What about me! How am ah supposed to get home?!"

Magneto completely ignored her and carried on floating away talking to himself. Turning she looked to the rest of the team.

"So any of ya'll taking me home then?"

"No can do petite, Mag's broke my bike an' John crashed the van after de last plan"

"Great! So where are we?"

"Dunno Sheila!"

"How can you _not _know?!"

"Well cause the writers for the show aint written where we are so its still a mystery!"

Sighing Rogue crossed her arms and sat on the sofa in between Remy and John and started to watch the TV with them waiting for Magneto to come up with a plan so she could go home again.

*One week later*

Remy and John stumbled through the door to the base tired and looking worse for wear, since they had both agreed to accompany Rogue home apologising for Magneto. Of course since neither actually knew where their secret base was they ended up wandering through snow, desert, forests and cities just to get Rogue home. Walking into the small room that held the TV both teens fell onto the sofa happy for the rest, neither noticing the fact that Piotr hadn't moved from where he was a week ago, until John opened his eyes.

"Wow mate you alright? You look a bit stiff. Mate? Petey? Hello? I think he's broken"

"Yo' sure he not just ignorin' yo'?"

"Nah he aint he's really just sat there all stiff like!" 

Standing up slowly John walked over to Piotr and pushed his shoulder only to have the flat picture of him fall over.

"Blimey mate! It's a cardboard cut-out! When did that happen?"

"Dunno maybe when we were takin' my chere hom', merde! Magneto aint gonna like dis! An' dis means it just yo' n me left! Unless de chat happen to come back for any of dese stupid plans"

"Hey! Maybe we should escape too!!"

"Yo' really wanna go out _dere _again?!"

"True! I have to admit though that dragon was a bit of a surprise! I mean I knew this place was a secret but who would of thought we would of met a _dragon_ I thought those things didn't even exsist!"

"True but dat was not'in compared to dat damn evil crocodile!"

"You know we've been gone for a week and Piotr's been gone for however long and yet Mag's aint said a word! Think he's dead?"

Shrugging the pair made their way sneakily along the corridor towards the door that Magneto's office was behind. Pushing the door a jar they both peered in to see Magneto sat at his desk surrounded by dirty plates and sweet wrappers shouting at his computer screen and clicking constantly. Frowning with confusion the pair pushed the door open fully, walked around the desk and peered over Magnetos shoulder to see him playing on 'The Sims'.

"No!! Why is none of these plans working!! Stupid Xavier why wont you die?! I've already drowned half of your students and yet you keep on evading my plans to kill you!"

Remy and John watched as Magneto told the Sim Xavier to set off a firework, they all watched as Sim Magneto came and stood behind him and watched as Sim Xavier set off the firework. A few seconds later it came crashing down to the ground as Magneto had planned only to land where Sim Magneto had been standing who died by being burned to death leaving Sim Xavier to go and make some food inside.

"NOO!!! Stupid Xavier!! I hate this game!! I refuse to play it any more!!.....oh so you think that you can dance and get away with it huh?! Well you may have killed off of the Alcolytes and myself but you wont be able to evade it for much longer now will ...oh! *cough* Erm...hi! Why are you two here when I am trying to create a plan that will defeat the X-men for good?"

"Well.."

"Cause I have a plan! I do! Honest! But you see it involves kidnapping.....Forge! Go kidnap Forge and then come back again! Yes that should get you away for a bit."

Shrugging slightly the pair left the Master of Magnetism to his game of Sims and went to go kidnap Forge.

~~~***~~~

And there you have it! I was gonna make it a one shot but it just seems like to much fun to stop so ill carry on! Bit by bit! lol! I did attempt to get rid of Remy's naughty mouth but he blackmailed me so sorry! Though you this way you can all still read laugh and well...read and laugh! If not imagine what Remy, St. John and Piotr look like covered from head to toe in feathers! hahahahaha! 

Hope it wasn't a complete waste of time cause you can review you know!! 

RW


	2. Do you think they’ll lend us a lion or t...

TA DA!! Another chappy!! Enjoy!!

~~~***~~~

Remy and John were currently walking down the street in Bayville, because to be quite truthful where else would they be?

"So mate what we gonna do now then?"

"we coul' annoy dem X-men lot but Remy is sick of the sight of dem"

"Yeah bet they are of us too, bet they wernt expecting the chicken feathers either"

This of course would have been funny to them if kurt hadn't ended up porting his team so that it hit them instead of the X-men leaving them all covered in chicken feathers, and they take a long time to get off. Walking in silence kicking random rocks John came to a sudden halt as he sniffed the air.

"You smell that mate?"

Frowning in confusion Remy turned to John and smelt the air slightly.

"No, what?"

"Fire! I smell a bonfire!"

If you could describe the paleness of Remy's face at that moment you would compare him to a ghost if not paler. John ran off in the direction of the fire and Remy followed, unwillingly behind him. However nothing really prepared them for the sight that were about to witness, coming around the corner they both stopped abruptly and came face to face with a giant bonfire, a group of angry X-men and Magneto flying above them laughing manically, until he saw the pair and then he stopped but the manic grin stayed on his face. 

"I got an idea when you were out!! Its great! Much better then my other plans! You see I burn all of their things, furniture, clothes and things then theyre homeless!!"

Waiting for the rest of the plan they waited, however Magneto just seemed to stay floating in front of them smiling.

"and?"

Prompted John who was thoroughly confused by the current plan.

"and what?" 

"and then what? Cause even if theyre homeless, which theyre not cause the house is still there, they still have more people then us and can still beat us" 

Magnetos face suddenly fell as John told him this.

"Oh, well onto the next plan then! it's a really good one too!! But ive gotta go this way! Meet me at the warehouse place in half hour!"

With that a now grinning again magneto flew off. Remy and John turned around slowly to come face to face with a big group of angry X-men, smiling slightly they backed away slowly not making any sudden movements in case they attacked, unfortunately they all started to run towards them giving Remy and John no choice but to run.

*½ hr later*

Panting slightly Remy and John arrived at the warehouse that Magneto wanted to meet them at, looking behind them nervously John decided that they had indeed lost them finally.

"Remy told ya that that zoo idea would work"

"yeah well I didn't know you meant you wanted to set fire to that popcorn maker machine thing"

"It worked!"

"It blew up and covered half the zoo path and the animals in bloody popcorn!"

"So what do ya tink it is dis time? Swans? Tar? Or just the good ol' Water one?"

Walking around the corner they found Magneto stood in front of a small group of people with his arms folded. 

"There you two are! I have a new plan! And its them! You see now our team has more people on it we're bound to win!"

Looking at the group of people in front of them they had to ask the question that would inevitably be the downfall of the plan.

"Where did yo' get em from?"

Remy stood waiting for magneto to answer when in fact one of the group raised their arm and spoke up.

"erm…….is this the tour of New York?"

After this more people began to talk too.

"I was waiting for a bus"

"I was buying ice-cream"

"I was shopping"

"I need the toilet"

"I have a lunch to get to"

"Who are you all?"

Frowning confused it suddenly dawned on the pair where Magneto obtained his newest 'members', they were all humans who had been basically kidnapped from the streets.

"Bucket I mean Magneto…."

Magneto crossed his arms and cleared his throat that made John gulp before he continued.

"…….Almighty Magneto, do any of these people have any powers?"

Looking like he'd been caught with his hand in the cookie jar Magneto lowered his arms and began to sulk slightly and shook his head no.

"So would they be able to help us?"

Again sulking Magneto shook his head no again.

"Are you taking these people back to where you found them?"

Shaking his head no Magneto smiled manically and said once again the dreaded words.

"But I have an idea!! To the zoo! Do you think they'll lend us a lion or two or would we need to steal them?"

Looking at each other worriedly the Remy and John hesitantly followed Magneto wondering how exactly they got into the position they were in now.

~~~***~~~

I say again TA DA!!! Im hoping ppl are enjoying this, oh and sorry its so much shorter then the first chapter but my back hurts and its 1.35am and I have to wake up for a 10am lecture tomorrow! AH! Ah ze well! To bed me tinks!!

RW


	3. Yeah I was thinkin it to mate, why would...

Hey! Now this is REALLY short and probably REALLY bad but #1) im tired and #2) I wrote this quickly when I was supposed to be writing an essay that's due in Friday along with 2 more assignments, but once again we say "this is me here and ill probably just leave It to the last minute!" lol! Anywhoo we discover the true reason that Remy talks in 3rd person!! 

~~~***~~~

Frowning angrily John and Remy sat on the couch in the lounge area of their base in silence, the air was so thick with tension that it couldn't be cut with chainsaw let alone a knife.

Grinning totally oblivious to the tension or Remy and Johns mood Magneto flew into the room and stood in front of the two angry teens.

"What's up chaps?!"

Without changing their expressions both John and Remy turned their heads to look at Magneto, which seemed to surprise Magneto.

"What? Oh your not still mad about the last idea? Don't worry! No one noticed!"

"Yo' kiddin right? No one noticed! Of course they noticed!!! vous nous avez fait la robe vers le haut dans un costume de tigre! Il couldnt soit plus evident!!"

"We can never show our faces again mate!"

"Now now don't start……….erm……..you, lets stop this chit chat I have an idea!! A better one!! Now wheres that big guy………..erm the one I can control?"

Magneto stood up and ran out the room looking at his hands whilst mumbling. The teens looked at each other both thinking the same thing.

"He didn't know my name?!"

Or maybe not exactly the same as each other.

"Well why else do yo' tink Remy always talk in t'ird person? Tis de only way he remember"

Both turned back toward the TV with their arms crossed in silence. It wasn't until the programme had finished until they began to talk to each other again.

"Remy was tinkin'….."

"Yeah I was thinkin it to mate, why would Dipsy want a handbag I thought he was a lad?"

"Non! Remy was tinkin that we should yo' know run off like Piotr did"

Grinning his manic grin John nodded his agreement and so the pair made their way to the exit of the base so they could escape forever. However they were caught just as they were about to leave.

"That's the spirit! Now stand still this wont hurt……….much"

With that said Magneto aimed a big gun at the pair who watched a bright light encase them. 

*****

Opening his eyes Remy was first confronted by the disturbing scene that was Magneto spinning in circles whilst singing 'It worked' over and over. Lifting himself up onto one of his elbows he rubbed his eyes with his free hand, and that was the moment when he realised something wasn't right. Cautiously he opened his eyes and looked down at himself, or what used to be 'him'self.

"Ce qui la baise! La merde ce qui s'est produite je suis des femmes! Thats non droit! Quand cela? pourquoi? ce qui? Merde!"

Getting up Remy found that he now had to hold onto his trousers so they wouldn't fall down he ran into his room quickly and looked at his new self in the mirror, then he heard the girly shriek that was none other then John.

"What the bloody hell!!"

*6hrs later*

"And let me be the first to welcome you to the Xavier Institute for the gifted Rebecca and Julie"

Smiling 'Rebecca' and 'Julie' made their way up to their new room that they were sharing, smiling at the fact that everyone fell for it they both sat on their new beds.

"Rem I mean Rebecca what's the plan then? I mean buckethead said infiltrate, but what do we do _after_ we've infiltrated?"

"Well he said….." Remy's face fell "Merde! I toght he tol' yo'!"

"I thought he told you!"

"Merde! How long is dis" he pointed to herself "supposed to last?"

"Well…..I have no clue"

"Mags must really hate us"

~~~***~~~

Translations;

*_you made us the dress up in a tiger costume! It couldn't be more obvious!!?_

*what the fuck! Shit what happened i am a women! Thats not right! When did that? why did? what?

Yeah ok bad I know but reasons are at the top if you wanna know! lol! So! Remy and John are now girls of course the question here is - Do they know its Remy and John and - How long until it doesn't work anymore and they change back etc etc lol! 

RW


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